It’s Not What I Expected to Happen

Ever heard the saying, “When life throws you a curve ball, adjust your swing”? In case you have never heard this before, it uses a baseball illustration to encourage us adapt to life’s ever-changing and unpredictable circumstances. I think we can all agree that life is sometimes, even often, not easy. There are so many elements that affect our lives that no matter how much we try to control the environment we live in, it seems like random sticks are continually being thrown in the spokes of our lives that we are trying to keep balanced and moving down the road. Obstacles intrude and disrupt our lives to the point that we can feel like making plans are pointless.

Here is a truth about me. I have never been good at hitting a curve ball. I played baseball from age 5 to 19. Beginning at about age 13, pitchers began throwing curve balls. It was at that point that I realized that I would never become a professional baseball player. I simply could not hit a curve ball. Why do I mention this? Well, I sometimes feel as though I also have a hard time hitting the curve balls that life throws me. I try to adjust my swing, but I often seem to hit nothing but air. In January of 2020, I was pastoring a small, yet healthy church of about 70 people. Good and godly people. Yet, due to the heavy restrictions in the area where we live (Quebec, Canada), in just a little more than a year later, we dropped to less than 20 people. Six months later we had dropped to under 12. Job losses, relocations, and other uncontrollable factors led my wife and I to begin the process of wanting to return to the United States. Our two oldest children had already made the move, so we thought we would follow suit. So, we began filling out all the immigration paperwork necessary, sent it in, and waited hopefully for a response within a reasonable time. As we waited, I came in contact with a wonderful church in North Carolina who was searching for a pastor. After several meetings, prayer, and discussions, I decided to pursue the position and the church gladly accepted. However, since we had not received a response from the U.S. immigration, we could not yet make the move down south. So, we waited. And waited. And waited. When almost a year had passed since the church had accepted me as their pastor, I agreed to travel back and forth from Quebec to North Carolina in order to begin serving as the pastor of the church. Some of my friends and family encouraged me in this decision and others did not. I struggled for weeks on whether to step out in faith and make the move. Our hopeful expectation was that we would be hearing from immigration in the near future and that the back-and-forth travel would only be a temporary situation. Well, we were wrong. After almost a year of travel, I decided to return back to Quebec full-time in order to be with my family, whom I missed dearly, and they me. Though the church in North Carolina was an amazing group of people, with a heart for Christ and His mission, my heart was pulled back to my family. It was the right choice to move back home. It was not what I expected to happen. It has been almost a year since I have been back home. And the truth is, more than four years after beginning the immigration process, we still have not heard anything about the visa we were waiting on. Regardless of one’s political views, a truth that is hard to deny is: the system is broken.

As I have had to deal with the mental, emotional, and spiritual struggles of this whole process, the one thing that I have tried to do is remain as close to the Lord Jesus as much as possible. He has truly been my Rock, my Fortress, my Hope, my Good Shepherd, my Savior, my Help, my Comforter, my Counselor, my God. Nothing since March 2020 has been what I expected. I had other dreams, hopes, and desires. The roller coaster of change that my family and I have been through has been often incredibly hard. Nevertheless, there are some biblical truths that have given me solace. First, I believe that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love Him, to those called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). One thing for sure is, I do love Him, for He first loved me (1 John 4:19). Therefore, His providence gives me rest. Second, I believe He is a good Shepherd who is leading me beside still waters and green pastures (John 10:11; Psalm 23:2). Therefore, He knows best. He guides, protects, leads, directs, and is in complete sovereign control. So, I seek to rest in Him and in His ways, for they are not my ways, nor are His thoughts my thoughts. His ways and thoughts are so much higher than mine (Isaiah 55:8). I am so grateful for that. Lastly, I believe that God’s will for my life is to change me (sanctify me) more and more into the image of Christ (Romans 8:29; 1 Thessalonians 4:3). He has changed me. He is changing me. He will continue to change me. And He, more often than not, does this through trials and hardships.

As I sit in my living room, pecking at my keyboard, and looking back at the events of the pasts few years, one thing that is clearer than ever is that: it’s not what I expected to happen. At the same time, something that I have expected is happening: God is testing and proving my faith. Because of this, I can honestly now proclaim that I can “greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, I have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of my faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ; and though I have not seen Him, I love Him, and though I do not see Him now, but believe in Him, I greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, obtaining as the outcome of my faith the salvation of my soul.” (1 Peter 1:6-9, emphasis mine).

Many circumstances right now in my life are not what I thought they would be. I have not always made the right decisions. I have often been discouraged and disappointed in not seeing things turn out the way that I had once hoped. I have been saddened by the burden that my decisions have placed upon my family. At the same time, there is deep rooted joy in Christ, whose will is always done, who has never been surprised, who knows all and is over all, and who has shown me grace through the gospel of the cross. Therefore, I desire to lean into His grace, trust His power, and enjoy His presence as He takes my expectations and transforms them into His. My encourage to you is this: may we all seek to expect His ways and His will to happen. And may we delight in it. When things are not as you expect, I encourage you to taste and see that the Lord is good. There are incredible blessings for those who take refuge in Him (Psalm 34:8).